Friday, May 28, 2010

Hurricane Prep on the Cheap

I am a major weather buff, and I love a good thunderstorm. A tornado makes my fingertips tingle, and I'm absolutely on edge at the prospect of a great (aka destructive) hurricane season. I'm almost giddy to know that the NOAA is predicting "one of the most active hurricane seasons in history." I know, however, the coming hurricane season is not so exciting for everyone, and I also know the risks and dangers associated with hurricanes. I have my hurricane kit ready, and my storm shutters are in the garage, begging to cover my windows. But hurricane kits, while fundamentally important here in Florida and other coastal areas, can get expensive. Here are the things you need to have in your kit, according to the NOAA:


Check boxWater - at least 1 gallon daily per person for 3 to 7 days
Check boxFood - at least enough for 3 to 7 days— non-perishable packaged or canned food / juices— foods for infants or the elderly— snack foods— non-electric can opener— cooking tools / fuel— paper plates / plastic utensils
Check boxBlankets / Pillows, etc.
Check boxClothing - seasonal / rain gear/ sturdy shoes
Check boxFirst Aid Kit / Medicines / Prescription Drugs
Check boxSpecial Items - for babies and the elderly
Check boxToiletries / Hygiene items / Moisture wipes
Check boxFlashlight / Batteries
Check boxRadio - Battery operated and NOAA weather radio
Check boxTelephones - Fully charged cell phone with extra battery and a traditional (not cordless) telephone set
Check boxCash (with some small bills) and Credit Cards - Banks and ATMs may not be available for extended periods
Check boxKeys
Check boxToys, Books and Games
Check boxImportant documents - in a waterproof container or watertight resealable plastic bag— insurance, medical records, bank account numbers, Social Security card, etc.
Check boxTools - keep a set with you during the storm
Check boxVehicle fuel tanks filled
Check boxPet care items— proper identification / immunization records / medications— ample supply of food and water— a carrier or cage
— muzzle and leash


These items are the bare minimum. I also recommend having photographs and other keepsake items ready to go in short order. True, we get lots of notice when a hurricane pops up, but it can take time to get ready to evacuate. Make it easy on yourself when you can by keeping as many things as possible in one spot (photo albums, hurricane kit, extra blankets, etc.). You can also buy pre-made hurricane kits, but they are expensive.
Here are some tips to save $$$ on your hurricane preparations:
1. No coconuts through the windows, please. If you want to protect your home with hurricane shutters, order them before there is a storm looming. Many storm shutter companies will be backlogged as the storm approaches and may be scheduled out until it's too late. Those that can provide storm shutters to you may charge a premium for expedited service. If you don't have aluminum panels, consider getting plywood to protect your home. This can be a very cost effective way to protect your home, and it doesn't need to be difficult to install. You can purchase the panel installation materials from a hardware store and mount that permanently to your outside walls. Measure, cut and label a plywood panel for each opening, and voila! Quick and easy (and often cheaper) home protection.
2. Boy, I'm thirsty! As the NOAA recommends, have on hand a gallon of water per day per person. Most sources recommend that you keep a week's worth of supplies on hand, so do the math. If you have a family of 4, you will need to stockpile 28 gallons of water. Before you run out to the store and buy 28 gallons of Evian, consider filling your bathtub for "washing" water prior to the storm's arrival. Also consider buying bulk water containers, such as 5-10 gallon jugs to store water rather than many, many one-gallon jugs.
3. What's for dinner, ma? Again, try to have a week's worth of non-perishable food on hand. Take it from me, canned tuna can get real old real fast. Peanut butter is a great food to stock. It doesn't take up much room, it's packed with plenty of "get-you-through-the-starvation" goodness, and it's inexpensive. Some other inexpensive food prep ideas are apple sauce, store brand crackers and potted meat (if you can actually stomach it).
4. You fashionista, you! Make sure you have the appropriate clothing on hand. This is as important when you are storm-trapped as it is if you are evacuating. Make sure you have sturdy shoes and rain gear. The dollar stores are wonderful places to find rain gear. They often have rain ponchos, hats and umbrellas for only a dollar, which is a considerable saving over regular retail stores.
5. What's that smell?! Oh, it's just you. As far as toiletries and personal hygiene items go, wet wipes are numero uno on my list of muy importato. Close behind is toothpaste and deodorant. Again, I'm going to tout the dollar store. It's a great place to get these items, and store brand baby wipes are what you'll be needing for bathing in a blackout. Saves you mula. Ladies, you're beautiful already. Don't worry about the makeup, especially if an evacuation is in order. On the flip side, don't forget about toilet paper. I advise Scott Tissue, single ply. Yes, I said single ply. This is an emergency, after all, and not a resort. It's less expensive, and it'll definitely do in a pinch. Another easily overlooked item is sunscreen. It's really important but easy to forget, and you can get it at at a fraction of retail price at.... you guessed it! The dollar store.
6. Who turned out the lights? Power outages are to be expected in a hurricane. Make sure you are stocked up on batteries, flashlights, glow sticks, and might I suggest candles? Can I suggest the dollar store enough? This is the best place to find these things, including batteries. You can save up to 80% on your batteries if you buy them at DollarTree instead of Wal-Mart. Same goes for flashlights and candles. While we're on the subject of candles, I suggest no fragrance, no frills. After a straight week of smelling "Vanilla Lavender Breeze," I expect you will be sick of not only vanilla, but lavender and breezes as well.
7. Mooooommmm....! I'm booooored! If you're stuck indoors for the duration of a weather event, make sure you can stay well entertained. Remember, you'll have no power for your Blu-Ray player, your Wii, your computer, or even your VCR. Stock up at yard sales or the dollar store on coloring books, craft projects, puzzles and board games. You'll also want to have plenty of paper and crayons on hand. Newspaper companies will often give away the last of a newsprint roll (or sell it at a big discount) if you simply ask. You don't have to spend a lot to make the time go by.
7. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! This has been a test of your emergency broadcast system.... If the power goes out, you may not have access to any type of emergency broadcast system, however annoying their tests may be. Weather radios are well worth it, but they can be expensive. I recommend shopping on eBay before the hurricane season starts for the best deal.
8. Oh, no! I have a boo boo! An emergency first aid kit is a must. You can put together your own first aid kit, but unlike other prepared kits, prepared first aid kits are often less expensive. It's a Gestalt thing - the price of the whole is cheaper than the sum of its parts. For the best deal and the best level of preparation, shop in you favorite retailer's camping section. Outdoor type first aid kits are by far the best bang for your buck, including everything from band-aids to electrolyte tabs.
9. Woof and meow! Pets are people too. Let me guess, you love your pet...? The sad news is that most shelters won't take them if their vaccinations and paperwork are not up to date. Taking them to a vet for shots can be very spendy, but the pet Care-A-Van is a mobile service that allows you to keep your pet's shots up to date at a very reasonable cost. For prices and schedules, visit http://petcaravan.com/.
As for the rest of the list, I have no great cost-saving ideas. The biggest thing I can stress is early preparation. Don't wait for Hurricane Alex to rear his ugly circular head to start getting ready. If you wait, you may arrive at the store to find all the shelves empty.
Happy hurricane season, everyone!

What church do your oocytes attend?

Hello, readers! How is everyone? I hope all is well. The weather here is bright and sunny, and let's hope it continues. They (you know, "they") are predicting a very busy hurricane season this year, so keep your fingers crossed for me as I buy every last jug of water at the grocery store and watch the seas like a paranoid hermit.

Some of you might know I've been planning to sign up as an egg donor for those would-be mommies who just need a little assistance. I started the paperwork months ago, and I've yet to completed it. Why? Well, because it's hard. It's not "math" hard or "life sciences" hard. It's just difficult and tedious to answer all those questions about myself and my family in such minute detail. It's like my ovaries are applying for citizenship. And I promise, my oocytes are not terrorists. Rest easy, Arizona - they're not immigrants either. If actually having your own baby required this much effort and insight, the world would probably be a better place. It would certainly be less crowded. On of the questions on the form is, "What is your religion?" and there are checkboxes for Catholic, Protestant, Jewish and Other ______________. What happens if one is not conventionally religious. The nature of my faith is not fitting neatly into checkboxes as it turns out. Also, religion is not genetic, so I'm not altogether sure the of the point of that question. I've been told I'm overthinking it, and I probably am. The other questions are less existential and more relevant - "What is your eye color?" "What is your hair color?" "Did your great aunt's third cousin twice removed ever suffer from a medical condition?" Maybe today's the day I'll get that great big book of me (and every relative I've ever had) completed.

I'm about all blogged out now, so I'm gonna go do some actual work now. Everyone take care, and "Good morning! And in case I don't see ya later - good afternoon, good evening and good night!"

Thursday, March 4, 2010

If you want my dinner, and you think you're hungry...

Happy Friday Eve! I hope everyone is doing great. I know I'm looking forward to my Friday with the premier of the new Alice in Wonderland.

I made a really great dinner last night, a family favorite. The kids ALWAYS ask for seconds, and that is rare. Plus it's ridiculously easy, so I wanted to share the recipe with you. Keep in mind that this is a recipe that's been passed down from my Grandmother to my mom to me, so the measurements should all end in "-ish" and you should adjust for your taste.

Ingredients:

4 large chicken breasts
8 oz sour cream
1 can of cream of chicken soup
30 Ritz crackers crushed
1/2 cup of melted salted butter

Put it together like this:

1. Boil the chicken til it is tender and falling apart.
2. Mix it in a cake pan or large casserole dish with the sour cream and cream of chicken soup, and spread it out evenly.
3. Combine the Ritz crackers with the melted butter and sprinkle it over the top of the mixture in the pan.
4. Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes, until the crackers are golden brown.

That's it. Now if you've read the ingredients and thought, "Holy fat content!" I don't blame you. This recipe was passed down from a time when butter was blameless and doctors advocated smoking for stress relief, so it's not quite as healthy as it is delicious. That said, it's still better for you than a hot dog. If you're still wanting to be a little more healthy, that's easy. Just substitute low-fat items like the sour cream, cream of chicken soup and Ritz crackers, and use margarine instead of butter. Voila! I've tried it this way too, and it's not quite the same, but still very, very good and the kids still loved it.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

It'd be a Naked Day Without a Wolf Tee and Some Zubaz Pants

I am still quietly chuckling to myself (for at least ten minutes now) because, let's face it, laughing really loud when you're by yourself just seems crazy. My friend, Danielle, posted this link on her Facebook (thank you, Danielle), and my life would be incomplete if I didn't share it with you.

Here's the link:
http://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Three-Wolf-Short-Sleeve/dp/B002HJ377A/ref=pd_sbs_a_1

In case you're too lazy to be clicking today, here's the skinny. It's an Amazon.com ad for a Napoleon Dynamite-esque t-shirt featuring three wolves howling at the moon. Sort of funny. As you scroll down, you might notice other customers who have viewed this item have also viewed "Zubaz Pants" and milk. ??? A little funnier. But please, I beg you, take time to read the reviews. I have copied and pasted the first one below for your reading (and laughing) pleasure, but they are all well worth your time. In fact, I think I just may buy the wolf t-shirt. Maybe I'll get the Zubaz pants to go with. It's sure to be a cult classic.

11,533 of 11,633 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Dual Function Design, ..November 10, 2008..
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.


***I'm moving some of my blogs over from Myspace (since it's a ghost town these days). Some of them (like this one) may be a little out of date.

Fried Maca-what?

My friends, I have reached an all-time low, both geographically (you can't go much further south in the Continental US) and also in things culinary. I saw a recipe for (drum roll, please) deep fried macaroni, and I thought, "Hmmm, that looks interesting." If I had stopped there, I wouldn't be questionning myself so much now, but I went on to think, "I should try that." So there I stood at my stove yesterday, frying boiled elbow macaroni. The whole time, I'm thinking, "What am I doing?" But I did it anyway. And it took everything that is right and good about pasta and turned into something depraved and back-woodsy. By the time it was about half done, I had realized it was a very bad idea, but it was too late to turn back. I had to see this thing through to the end. So eventually, I pulled the golden brown, sad looking little 'ronis from their greasy pit of despair and laid them on a paper towel to cool. I salted them down in good southern fashion, and then I hollered (yes, hollered, because that's all you can do at a time like that), "KIDS! COME TRY THESE WEIRD MACARONI THINGS!" They came, they tried, they were unimpressed. They were really crunchy, a lot like corn nuts, the official stinky snack of rude vehicle passengers everywhere. They tasted ok, but I will never fry macaroni again. I felt like I should have gone ahead and lived up to every stereotype known and put on a Waylon Jennings t-shirt, some ratty sweats pulled up to my knees, pulled my hair up in a banana clip and started yelling, "KIDS! COME GET Y'ALL'S FRAH'D MACARONI! HURRY UP NOW, IT'S GONNA GIT COLD! AH SAID MOVE YER BUTTS! Y'ALL AIN'T GOT ALL NAHT! WRASSLIN STARTS IN A HALF HOUR, AND MAMA AIN'T GONNA MISS KURT ANGLE FAHTIN' THAT SAMOA JOE!"

*My apologies if I've offended any of my friends or readers who live in the south, enjoy professional wrestling or are fried macaroni afficionados. I have nothing but love for you all.

***I'm moving some of my blogs over from Myspace (since it's a ghost town these days). Some of them may be a little out of date.

Dear Weather

Dear Weather:

I live in Florida, and I must know, why is there ice? My plants are all dead, and the oranges that are so delicious are little orange-cicles now. Last night, I dreamed I was eating icicles. I'm sure this is a direct, subconscious response to your arctic insanity. Please tell me your meteorological psychosis will be short-lived. Is it global warming? I completely understand if that's got you upset. I know I drive an SUV, but I don't drive much, so please don't take it out on me. Thank you for listening.



***I'm moving some of my blogs over from Myspace (since it's a ghost town these days). Some of them (like this one) may be a little out of date.

So many words all saying nothing

I am crying. Tears of joy? Nope. Tears of sadness? Nah. Tears of onions. Every time I slice onions, I'm reminded of just how much I prefer those little yellow ones from Peru. "They're so good, you'll only cry when they're gone." I just made a marinade for Root Beer Chicken. Sounds weird to me, too, but I'm intrigued. If it's good, I'll post the recipe. If it's terrible, I'll post the warning. If it kills us, you know what happened, so go ahead and sue the producers of "Follow That Food."

I was driving by a cemetery yesterday when I noticed a picnic table and a chili roaster set up right next to it. Is that really the best place for a chili roast? Maybe in New Mexico that wouldn't have seemed so out of place.

Somebody ought to let the Wal-Mart employees know that double-bagging things like bread and boxes of macaroni and cheese is overkill. It's ok, guys. They're not going to suddenly get very heavy and start ripping through the bags.

No doubt about it, children are wise and often very well-spoken. My 4-year-old daughter said to me, "Sometimes you burn yourself and get head trauma. That makes a real bad case of the ouchies, and there's nothing you can do about it." It's true.

Be-dee-ya! Be-dee-ya! Be-dee-ya! That's all, folks!


*Update:  Do NOT try the root beer chicken.  Yuck!