In the spirit of self improvement (and probable mid-life crisis setting in), I've decided that getting fit is in order. Not just thinner, but healthier. You know, eating better, frying less *tear*, and exercising more. I found a diet in a really weird book I got for free on Craigslist, and I'm going to try it - well halfass it anyway, and I'll blog my progress as I go. Blogress, if you will. First order of business, no alcohol. Noooo!!!!! (Picture me falling down a long, dark, sober tunnel here, ala Alice.)
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| Goodbye, cabernet! Goodbye, martini! Goodbye! |
Next, drink lots of water. Like too much water - 8 ounces upon waking and seven more cups throughout the day. Also, eat like a shit ton of grapefruit and apples, and have a big breakfast everyday, but not with bacon and stuff. Exercise for an hour a day, even if it's just a brisk walk, and eat whatever you want in the whole entire world - as long as you consume a giant salad first with only lemon juice for dressing. And no, and I mean NO artificial sweeteners or refined sugar. The book says to sweeten everything with natural sugar cane juice. I'm wondering if I can count rum in this... Naturally sweetened oatmeal? Sure! NO fast food, and no food marketed as "diet." Processed foods are purple minions in yellow minion clothes, people. They are BAD, and I don't have to be on a diet to tell you this.
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| I am become McMinion!!! |
Actually, all of this does seem quite common sense. Not enjoyable, but sensible. Good thing I like grapefruit. Like some people of a certain religious affiliation, however, I am picking and choosing which parts of this book I want to follow. There are things in this diet that seem too extreme (think colon hydrotherapy and juice fasts), and I just refuse.
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| High colonic? Ain't nobody got time fo dat! |
Right now, I weigh 123.4 pounds at 5'4", and I've been stuck here for almost a year. I'll post my measurements as soon as I find the tape measure so I can be realistic about the whole affair. Also, I am a mother of three, the most beautiful children ever to have existed, so there's that. But my youngest
is 6, so I'm thinking the whole pregnancy weight thing might be sorta played out by now. Not all that overweight, I know, but I have a very small frame, and I've always enjoyed being tiny. Even though people are often very mean to you when you're thin, but that's a blog for another time. Although I'm not big enough for Discovery Channel to notice, I would like to trim, tone and lose some inches. My muffin top is in full bloom, and I want to be strong enough to not struggle with my heavy ass dive gear. (Half again your body weight is no joke, y'all.)
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| Dammit, delicious muffin top! |
Today, I got up at 6:10, drank my damn water, did 10 minutes of stupid cardio, ate some crappy cereal with no sugar for breakfast, drank some more damn water, showered and went to work. For lunch, I'll be enjoying some tomato soup - and damn water. After work, it's exercise with high reps, low weights and probably some more damn water. Dinner will be fried chocolate, because I totally deserve it. But only after I eat my goliath salad. If attitude is everything, I may be screwed, but if I can be bitchy while still getting results, bring it.
Loveyoumeanit!
Extra, extra! I found the most awesome article to help you if you are also inspired to lose your muffin top. The best part? It's written all in Engrish! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Here's the link:
http://www.ihomeremedy.net/how-to-get-rid-of-muffin-top-7-easy-steps/
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