This was a fun weekend. I got to go to Chuck E. Cheese's! Twice. Those of you who don't have kids, you might not understand this particular joy of parenthood: the birthday party. If you have nieces, nephews, or random other little kids in your life, you get this. Unless you drive a windowless van with the words "Free Candy" painted on the side. Sir/Ma'am, this blog is not for you. Move along. This particular food chain (Chuck E. Cheese's, for those of you who've already lost track
payafreakintention) has taken all the joy of a North Miami dive and commercialized it for the.... ummmm.... greater good? Where else can you find screaming, soda-cracked-out, gambling children and cardboard pizza served with giant rats? Yes, punctuation Nazis, the pizza and the children are both served with rats. Yum! 'Cept for here, the rats sing. It's like North Miami ghetto meets Disney and Las Vegas, sans cockroaches. We hope.
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| Jackpot! Chuck E. Cheese's: Introduction to Gambling |
If you prefer, please consider the rest of this blog an advice column. Or a cautionary tale. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to, right? First order of business, skip the toppings on a Chuck E. Cheese pizza. I know, I know - the first one is free. Skip it anyway. Plain cheese cardboard is best, and your money is better spent on tokens and crappy wine. Trust me, you'll want them both. In scores. Second on our agenda, and relevant to the wine, is don't drink too much the night
before a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. Giant singing rats and hangovers rarely mix. My husband and I decided to celebrate on Saturday night. Celebrate what? Well, I guess the fact that we were both over 21. And celebrate we did. Yay, we're old.....
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My child, all cracked out on soda and candy
and giant rodent gambling. |
Soooo.... party time rolls around on Sunday, and the gang heads to the party. It was really good to see everyone. Except Chuck E Cheese. For a while, I pondered the idea of somehow stealing the costume head and then dashing around the building, holding it high like a weird sacrifice while yelling "hoooo-ahhhhh-yooooo-lah-yoooooohhhhh...." in my best tribal scream. I was deterred, though, by the thought of scarring all those little kids for life (mine included, because I'm a caring mom). And also by the idea of being arrested. That would be kinda hard to explain to my cellmates in a way that wouldn't get me a beat down. And it would probably be hard to convince a judge that it was necessary. And truthfully, I was even a little scared that the children, having experienced my "joke", would not be as amused as I was, and they would possibly stab me to death with forks from the salad bar.
In the end, it all worked out beautifully. We did have a fun time. I played skeeball until I was actually mediocre, and the kids had a fantastic time, complete with plenty of "made in China" junk that will break tomorrow. A good time was had by all.
2 comments:
OHMYGOD. You were not kidding, I think this is your best blog of all time. Also, I think the best way to survive Chuck E. Cheese is to bring your own alcohol cleverly disguised in sippy cups. Then you could even have hard alcohol. Oh, it would be too easy (muahahahaha!). Also, I just realized there's a good reason I don't have kids.
If you consider this entry birth control, you're welcome. Also, I think you might want to use some other method of smuggling, lest your sippy cup fall into the wrong little hands. The last thing we need is DRUNK, cracked out, tiny gambling maniacs.
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